You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
