Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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