me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
