I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
