apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
