hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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