fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
