three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just invented taco cereal.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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