i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
