Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Randomize
