she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
