Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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