I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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