dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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