so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
