why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
