I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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