There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
