I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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