Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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