i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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