The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
