I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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