Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
