Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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