there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
