why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
