what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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