we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
