That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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