me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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