Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
