She's JV to your varsity
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
