I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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