what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
