i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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