1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
