that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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