Swine flu. Run for my life!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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