I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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