I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
