Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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