I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
