i already hear my dad disowning me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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