her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
