Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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