Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
did i just pee glitter
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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