Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
