i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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