I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
