There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
