so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
