mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
