I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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