IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
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Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
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I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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