aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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