omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
