shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
where does the pee come out of this thing
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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