You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
