If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
