I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
