sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
