I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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