I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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