Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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