Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
