Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
