dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
