So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
