She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
