I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize