you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
