Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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