we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
