Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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