That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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