my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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